So I had this post all written and ready to go, and then I hopped online to post it (because GODDAMNIT I’m determined to do this again, for some reason, as if there isn’t enough on my plate?) and realized it’s essentially the SAME. DAMN. TOPIC. As my last post. Five months ago. But the only other post I managed to begin writing yesterday isn’t nearly done yet – I thought it was last night but this morning on my way to work I realized it was WRONG VERY WRONG AND NEEDS FIXING and well here’s where I’m at, which is the same place I was at five months ago.
I feel like the worst sort of reader lately. I’ve gotten little to no reading done, and the reading that I have gotten done has fallen into precisely two categories: 1) blogs and 2) rereading things I’ve already read. Now, on one hand, I can quite easily make excuses for myself as a reader – I’ve got two month old twins, they’re teething, I’m working forty hours a week, etc. etc. But honestly I still feel disappointed in myself. I feel like reading has always been such a fundamental part of my personality and for it to suddenly start slipping through the cracks makes me feel like I’m starting to lose myself. Most nights I’m able to read for a little while during story time, since BB is much better at voices and reading stories to the girls than I am (not the the girls know the difference yet, really), but sometimes I fall asleep or have laundry to put away or decide to write instead.
Then there’s the fact that instead of using my – limited, as discussed – reading time to read something new, I’m rereading things that I’ve already read. I’m rereading the Wheel of Time, to be specific, because I had a craving, and because rereading things makes me feel good. It sounds silly but it does. I know the characters and I know the setting and it’s like slipping into a really well-fitting pair of jeans, it’s just comfortable and it makes me happy. But it isn’t stretching my mind or my creativity, and it certianly isn’t making me a better person in any way. So it’s just helping me stagnate. And, yes, book club is still active, but I took a month or two off at the end of my pregnancy / right after giving birth and then book club took a month off and now I won’t have a book due till October and I’ll just figure out when I’ll fit that in when it becomes an issue.
So, I’m still struggling to get any reading in, and the reading that I am getting in is old reading that I’ve done before, but makes me happy. I guess the moral of the story is any reading is better than no reading?